Kate Nesterwitz has been studying relationships since she was 18 when she began her college career studying Family Science, Couple and Family Therapy and Psychology.
“Relationships are the foundation of society. People affect us all the time,” Kate explains. “Our moods, our frustrations are often connected to the people around us. From the time we are infants, we need relationships to survive.” And yet, she says, the problems we have are often attributed to other things. “You can’t medicate a bad relationship,” Kate says, but you can bring people together to address what is going on. “We all have things to work on. We can all be better. Nothing can be one person’s fault.”
People often think of therapy as a one-on-one experience, but Kate advocates bringing in other family members. “This is the quickest way to achieve results. Everyone does the work together. This gives all participants an equal opportunity to learn and grow, and lessens the chances of misunderstandings.”
This is particularly important when dealing with children or couples. “When a child is acting out, the responsibility to ‘fix it’ is too much of a load for him or her to take on alone. It is necessary for parents and other family members to understand their roles in the situation as well as all the factors that contribute to the child’s behavior.”
Kate also recommends that anyone in a couple who is considering therapy not go alone. “Doing so leaves the partner out and can create new problems as the person in therapy begins to heal and change,” she explains. “There is power in bearing witness. When both partners go through the process together, they have the same tools, language, context and understanding.”
As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Kate is trained to look at the undesirable patterns that occur within the family and determine what maintains them so they can be corrected. “Relationships are cyclical rather than linear. A doesn’t cause B. Problems persist because we influence and affect one another, feeding the cycle. Couples and families that come in for therapy are stuck in a negative pattern that we know will only continue to gain momentum in a negative direction,” says Kate. “Most people aren’t able to see those aspects of their relationships clearly and objectively on their own. In therapy, we find that pattern, intervene, and reverse it.”
Kate recognizes that getting others to join someone in therapy is not always possible. In these cases, she uses similar techniques to work with individuals as she does with couples and families. “We consider all the people involved, even if the person is there alone, and practice those encounters.”
Kate is deeply committed to helping individuals with relationship issues (dating, family, co-workers, etc.), couples and families (particularly teens) resolve their issues quickly and effectively, in order to lead more satisfying and fulfilling lives. After college, she earned her masters degree at Thomas Jefferson University in Philadelphia, where she trained at the pioneering Council for Relationships. Since moving to Colorado 2 years ago, Kate has continued to advance her skills and knowledge by pursuing training and certification in EMDR and Gottman Method Couples Therapy.